On Tuesday night, Republican California Rep. Duncan Hunter Jr. was accusable on a alternation of counts alignment from cabal to attack accounts laws, all stemming from the congressman’s declared boundless abusage of attack banknote to pay for his claimed life.
The 47-page charging certificate — which lays out the allegations adjoin Hunter and his wife — is complete fire, assuming a absolutely out-of-control affiliate of Congress operating in an ethics-free zone. I went through the allegation and plucked out the best amazing moments. They’re below.
1. “Throughout the accordant period, the Hunters spent essentially added than they earned. They overdrew their coffer annual added than 1,100 times in a seven-year aeon consistent in about $37,761 in ‘overdraft’ and ‘insufficient funds bank’ fees.”
Holy crap! In a seven-year period, the Hunters allegedly overdrew their coffer annual added than 1,000 times! Also, according to the indictment, Hunter had beneath than $1,000 in reportable assets listed on his claimed banking acknowledgment forms for anniversary year amid 2009 and 2016. Talk about active above your means!
2. “The Hunters illegally adapted and blanket added than $250,000 in attack funds to acquirement appurtenances and casework for their claimed use and enjoyment.”
I never accept this. If you appetite to use $250 from your attack to buy a few claimed items, I get how you can analytic anticipate you won’t get caught. But do you anticipate no one will anytime ask questions about $250,000?!?!
3. “Duncan Hunter facilitated the annexation of attack funds by blank his attack staff’s assorted warnings about Margaret’s abnormal use of attack funds, accusing attack agents of apostasy by ‘trying to actualize some affectionate of cardboard aisle on me’ aback they aloft apropos about abnormal spending, and always abnegation to aish her admission to attack funds.”
Ah, the old I’m-not-doing-something-wrong-you’re-doing-something-wrong approach! Also, reminder: These bodies Hunter accused of “trying to actualize some affectionate of cardboard trail” formed for him at the time.
4. “The Hunters buried and bearded the claimed attributes of abounding of their attack expenditures by either falsely advertence the costs were ‘campaign related’ or by falsely advertisement the annual or annual purchased aback accouterment advice to the Treasurer (by, for example, affairs claimed accouterment items at a golf advance so that the acquirement could be falsely appear to the Treasurer as ‘balls for the blood-soaked warriors’).”
Buying golf clothes for yourself and advertisement it as affairs golf assurance for wounder warriors? Oooomph.
5. “The Hunters buried and bearded the claimed attributes of their family’s purchases of video amateur application Attack funds by falsely claiming to a banking academy that the payments were counterfeit accuse and afresh advertisement the purchases to the FEC and the accessible as counterfeit charges.”
Video games! And afresh acquaint your agents and the accessible you were hacked! Paging Anthony Weiner….
6. “The Hunters illegally acclimated Attack funds, amid added things, to acquirement the following: Hotel rooms, airline tickets and upgrades, commons and food, and ball costs for vacations for themselves and their accompany and family, including added than $14,000 for a ancestors Thanksgiving vacation in Italy in November 2015; added than $6,500 for a ancestors vacation to Hawaii in April 2015; added than $3,700 for a ancestors vacation to Las Vegas and Boise in July 2015; added than $2,400 for a Las Vegas couples vacation in August 2011; and added vacations to destinations such as Lake Tahoe, Pittsburgh, London, and Washington.”
See point No. 1. These are bodies active way, way above their means. Hawaii in April, Vegas in July and Italy in November? Pretty nice year.
7. “Household and added claimed items for their ancestors from a advanced array of stores, such as Costco (where they spent added than $11,300 in Attack funds), Walmart (where they spent added than $5,700), Barnes Noble (where they spent added than $2,500), Target (where they spent added than $2,300), Michaels ability abundance (where they spent added than $2,200), and added retailers such as Aaron Brothers, Affair City, World Market, Crate & Barrel, Pier 1, Penny, Sears, and Rite Aid.”
Look, I get it. Costco is awesome. And those abuse massive jars of alacrity amount added than you think. But who the hell spends $2,200 at Michaels? Seriously that sounds like a daydream I had recently.
8. “On or about January 25, 2010, in Incline Village, Nevada, Duncan Hunter spent $1,008.72 in attack funds at the Hyatt Regency Lake Tahoe Resort, Spa and Casino for food, drinks, and three nights abode during a claimed ski cruise with Individual 14. On this day, the Hunter ancestors coffer annual had a abrogating antithesis and incurred six abstracted bereft funds fees (totaling $198). Also on this aforementioned day, Duncan Hunter withdrew $20 from his claimed coffer account, abrogation a antithesis of $15.02.”
That aftermost band is a dagger. He took $20 out and has $15 — total! — in the ancestors coffer account.
9. “On or about April 2, 2010, Duncan Hunter claimed a $257.40 agreement from Attack funds for active his car on a 468-mile cruise to Virginia Beach with Individual 14, Agent A, and Agent A’s date admitting the actuality that they did not use Duncan car on the trip.”
Wait, you accept to use the absolute car to get reimbursed for the miles? Huh!
10. “On or about May 19, 2010, in Santee, California, Margaret Hunter spent $307.72 in attack funds at Target to acquirement a tablecloth, three aboveboard pillows, a three-piece besom set, a metal tray, four acting shades, four window panels, a white duck, two Punky Brewster items, a arena pop, and two five-packs of ‘animals.’ In adjustment to burrow and beard this actionable charge, Hunter falsely told the Treasurer that it was for ‘teacher/parent adherent events.'”
Punky Brewster! Soleil Moon Frye! What a bang from the past. Also, I’m absorbed in alive added about this “white duck” purchase.
11. “On or about September 13, 2010, in San Diego, California, Duncan Hunter spent $164.29 in Attack funds for, amid added things, a annular of golf and beer at Riverwalk Golf Club with Individual 1A. Aback asked by the Treasurer if this amount (among several others) was attack related, Duncan Hunter falsely responded, ‘Yessir- All good.'”
The aing time addition asks me if I aloof bankrupt the law, I am action to acknowledge “Yessir, all good.” Amazing.
12. “On or about December 22, 2010, afterwards the Treasurer afresh warned the Hunters that ‘campaign funds may not be acclimated for a leisure outing’ alike if attack business is occasionally discussed, Margaret Hunter told the Treasurer that she banned to accommodate the names of individuals she allegedly took out for commons with attack funds because ‘that’s silly.'”
“Yessir, all good!”
13. “On or about June 17, 2011 in La Mesa, California, Duncan Hunter spent $142.36 in attack funds at the Men’s Wearhouse to ‘re-cut’ two pairs of pants. Aback this allegation was baldheaded by the Treasurer, Duncan Hunter falsely explained the charge: ‘Lol. Men’s barn was a accessible semi-embarrassment that I had to let ride. I acclimated the amiss card, afresh didn’t appetite to explain the affected refund…'”
Oh, I see. You didn’t appetite bodies to apperceive you got your pants tailored at Men’s Wearhouse. Or you acclimated the amiss card? Or something? “That’s silly.”
14. “On or about August 6 to 10, 2011, in Las Vegas, Nevada and elsewhere, the Hunters spent $2,448.27 in attack funds on a claimed vacation with Individuals 3A and 3B. During this vacation, the HUNTER ancestors coffer annual began incurring bereft funds fees until a analysis from Duncan parents was deposited into the annual on August 10.”
A cringe-worthy detail. Alike as Hunter was allegedly spending advisedly from attack dollars, he was hitting his parents up for money.
15. “On or about September 12, 2011, admitting action by his Treasurer and individuals in his Washington, DC. office, Duncan Hunter assassin Margaret Hunter as his ‘Campaign Manager’ at a bacon of $2,000 per month.”
This is a move fabricated out of agony accustomed the Hunters’ claimed banking situation. And it’s one that in hindsight fabricated things much, abundant worse.
16. “On or about September 16 to 19, 2011, in Boise, Idaho and elsewhere, the Hunters spent an added $640.05 in Attack funds for a ancestors vacation centered on a ancestors member’s accord in a ball competition.”
Oh yeah, I’ve apparent that one.
17. “On or about February 8 and 16, 2012, the Hunters spent $306.80 in attack funds at United Airlines for added accuse accompanying to a admission for Margaret’s mother to fly from San Diego to Chicago. In acknowledgment to whether the allegation was attack related, Duncan Hunter told his Treasurer: ‘Yes sir.'”
Works. Every. Time.
18. “On or about October 30, 2012, afterward an commodity in the San Diego Reader publicizing Margaret’s bacon and assorted amount reimbursements, Duncan Hunter adequate her of her academic duties with the campaign. Although the attack was in acute banking condition, and had aloof canceled a pre-election mailer due to bereft funds, Duncan Hunter connected to pay Margaret Hunter a bacon from attack funds and accustomed her to accumulate her attack acclaim card.”
So, the agent fires his wife as attack administrator afterwards accepting some bad press. But he keeps advantageous her! And lets her still accept admission to a attack acclaim card! (Here’s the aboriginal San Diego Reader story.)
19. “On or about December 13, 2013, in Reston, Virginia, Duncan Hunter spent $63.57 in attack funds at Best Buy to acquirement a brace of gloves and a car charger for an accessible cruise to Pittsburgh.”
Who the heck buys gloves from a Best Buy?
20. “On or about December 30, 2013, afterwards because the allowances of bringing added money to the domiciliary on a basis, Duncan Hunter assassin Margaret Hunter aback as Attack Administrator at a bacon of $2,500 per ages (although the Attack concluded up absolutely advantageous her $3,000 per month).”
21. “On or about July 9, 2014, the Hunters spent $250 in attack funds at United Airlines to fly a ancestors pet to Washington, DC. for a ancestors vacation.”
You can’t go on a accurate ancestors vacation after the ancestors pet!
22. “On or about October 22, 2014, in San Diego, California, Duncan Hunter spent $204.34 in attack funds for two greens fees, food, and drinks at the Rancho Bernardo Golf Resort, during a claimed golf airing with friends, including Individual 1A. To burrow and beard his actionable activity, he addled his Chief of Agents by anecdotic his approved golf airing with Individual 1A as ‘a Christian thing’ with a supporter.”
A “Christian thing”? Yessir, all good!
23. “On or about March 20, 2015, aback Duncan Hunter told Margaret Hunter that he was planning ‘to buy my Hawaii shorts’ but had run out of money, she counseled him to buy the shorts at a golf pro boutique so that they could falsely call the acquirement after as ‘some [golf] assurance for the blood-soaked warriors.'”
Of all the things the Hunters accept allegedly done wrong, this one is, by far, the worst.
24. “On or about July 29, 2015, in Chula Vista, California, Margaret Hunter spent $253.62 in Attack funds at SeaWorld’s Aquatica Ancestors Waterpark to absorb ancestors members. To burrow and beard this actionable payment, she appropriate to the Treasurer that the accuse should be classified as an ‘educational tour’ as they were accompanying to a ‘daylong access and educational accommodated on their issues and programs.'”
Epic — and I beggarly absolutely ballsy — circuit here.
25. “On or about August 17, 2015, Margaret Hunter spent $152.25 in attack funds at to accomplish an online acquirement of cosmetics. To burrow and beard this actionable charge, she falsely told the Treasurer that the allegation was for ‘gift bassinet items Boys and Girls Clubs of San Diego.'”
26. “On or about September 26, 2015, in Anaheim, California, the Hunters spent $229.44 in Attack funds at Disneyland’s Star Trader boutique on gifts, including two Minnie Mouse Ear headbands, a Star Wars adherent affiliate beanie, and a raglan-sleeve black-and-gray Star Wars girls T-shirt. In adjustment to burrow and beard this transaction, Margaret Hunter falsely a the Treasurer that the allegation was for ‘food/bev.'”
Tell me added about this Star Wars adherent affiliate beanie…
27. “On or about November 23, 2015 in an attack to absolve the use of attack funds to pay for the family’s cruise to Italy, Duncan Hunter attempted to set up a day bout of a US argosy ability in Italy. Afterwards Navy admiral responded that they could alone accommodate a bout on a accurate date, Duncan Hunter said he would altercate the proposed date with Margaret Hunter, afresh after told his Chief of Staff, ‘tell the Navy to go f*** themselves [no about-face in original],’ and no bout occurred.”
He seems nice!
28. “On or about February 1, 2016, in acknowledgment to questions aloft by the Treasurer for about ten months, Margaret Hunter falsely claimed for the aboriginal time that the Steam Amateur accuse were fraudulent.”
I was hacked!
29. “On or about March 4, 2016, in Washington, DC, Duncan Hunter spent $462.46 in Attack funds for 30 shots of tequila and one steak at El Tamarindo restaurant during Individual 8’s available party.”
Uh, waiter, yes I’d like to accomplish an adjustment please. Can I accept 30 shots of tequila? Also, one steak. Thanks!
30. “On or about December 31, 2016, in Alpine, California, Duncan Hunter accustomed Margaret Hunter to abide accepting a bacon for purportedly actuality the Attack Manager.”
“Yessir, all good!”
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