Illustration by Dalton Rose
When I was a kid, and my grandma would acquaint me the adventure of the Battle of the Alamo, she tended to amplify the final acts of Col. James “Jim” Bowie. As Santa Anna and the greatest army anytime accumulated bankrupt through the attentive Texians’ final acropolis defense, the Texian republicans fought to the actual last—this abundant we apperceive to be true. But according to my grandma, as Bowie lay dying on a cot, he threw his acclaimed knife into the of the aboriginal Mexican who activate him, arresting the man asleep in an instant.
Now that’s a ambrosial alpine tale. (In fact, Bowie died of a agitation in his ailing bed, and may not accept accursed a attack throughout the absolute ordeal.) But it’s boilerplate a as alpine as those actuality spun in the Lone Brilliant Accompaniment today. As Texas faces what some there account the greatest threats yet to its viability—plurality, broadcast admission to affordable bloom care, Eric Holder—its laureates are spinning out a new brand of fable: the Texas alienation fantasy novel. Three of the latest affection artifice twists that would accomplish my grandma blush. Mostly self-published or issued by baby bounded presses, these novels run continued on balderdash shit—from dried-up cow patty–grade bullshit, like the amaranthine spelling and punctuation errors that birthmark two of these books, to the fresh-squeezed Texas Longhorn balderdash bits that is the catastrophe of the third one. While Obamacare added or beneath inspires alienation throughout, anniversary atypical apprehension a altered alley to freedom. Common to all of them, though, is a compound for advantaged animosity backroom as old as a basin of Texas red.
It will appear as no abruptness to accurate Texans that the brilliant of the best apocalyptic of these Texas alienation fantasy novels—The Yellow Rose of Texas by Dennis Snyder, book one in the Struggle for Sovereignty series—is none added than Col. James Bowie (a few ancestors removed). Fictional Col. Bowie’s accord to his apparent antecedent is never explained. Coincidence? Clone? “He was accommodating to die attention the Republic of Texas,” Snyder writes, in the way of introducing his acreage marshal, who address trenches to adapt for war with the United States in the 21st century. “Even if it meant elimination his gun into anyone who would access through the aperture aloof like the aboriginal Jim Bowie had done at the Alamo.” (A aberration on the bedtime adventure I know.)
Before we access at secession—which comes by Page 23 of Yellow Rose, fast as a about-face in Texas weather—it’s account cerebration through why a bid for alienation charge appear to arroyo warfare at all. Why not aloof let Texas go? Writing in 2009, on the break of real-world allocution from Texas about secession, Matthew Yglesias categorical the altercation for departing ways: “The amount elements of an accordant annulment would, I think, be Texas associates in NAFTA and NATO so as to ensure that disruption is minimized and cipher is aggressive anyone else.” Those aren’t alike casual apropos in the new Texas fanfic, except for the threatening-anyone-else bit (there is a lot of threatening-anyone-else). Yglesias continues, “Texas would charge to accept albatross for a allocation of the U.S. civic debt that’s commensurable to its allotment of the population,” anecdotic banking capacity shrugged off by the authors of Yellow Rose, The Alienation of Texas, and the grimmest of the three, Lone Brilliant Daybreak. What’s in advocate Texans’ wallets? The aforementioned dollar activate on the added ancillary of the bound with the United States.
Not that a dollar could get you bisected a Whataburger Jr. in Yellow Rose—not already Admiral Nicholas Watson, Obama’s successor, cedes the nation’s aggressive ability to the United Nations while acid up a $22 abundance civic debt. The president’s escapade activate at his swearing-in; asked by John Roberts to echo the austere presidential oath, Watson swears instead to “preserve, assure and avert the Constitution of the United States, as I accept it.”
Constitutionally empowered by a gotcha, the admiral goes on to annihilate tax break for churches and auspiciously prosecutes the war adjoin Christmas. He strips the citizenship of all 125,000 bodies who active the White House’s “We the People” address acknowledging the alienation of Texas. “I accept so abounding affairs and changes to put into aftereffect now that we accept all three branches beneath Democratic control,” Admiral Watson tells America, apparently over steepled fingers.
Much of the novel’s ball focuses on the plight of Southern sympathizers aggravating to accomplish their way to Texas. It’s never bright why the story’s Texas-bound Carolinians don’t abutment alienation for, say, a Carolina. Or why so abounding likeminded bourgeois whites don’t form, I don’t know, some affectionate of club for southern secessionist states. Snyder’s Texas isn’t actual Texan: no conjunto music or Lockhart smokehouses, no dynastic San Antonio Spurs, no mesquite and no mesas. As it turns out, Snyder ability not apperceive one abuse activity about Texas: The columnist is a pastor based in Michigan. He would be bigger off demography up a Abundant Lakes Accompaniment cause. Isn’t Detroit added or beneath chargeless of advancing government at this point? What about that little allotment of Michigan—aren’t they annoyed of Wisconsin acid them like a hat?
With The Alienation of Texas by Darrell Maloney, the clairvoyant is at atomic safe in the easily of a San Antonio author, but it’s a algid comfort. Maloney ups Yglesias’s let-’em-go alternation of thought. By a accepted election abounding by some 80 percent of acceptable accompaniment voters, Maloney’s Texas secedes on April 1, 2013. Night hasn’t collapsed on April Fool’s Day afore anew minted Texas Secretary of Accompaniment Mario Ramirez is on cable account discussing capacity of the alteration aggregation accustomed by the (U.S.) House of Representatives and Accompaniment Department.
And that’s that: no fuss and no muss. Afterwards auspiciously seceding, Texas Admiral Rick Perry embarks on an bread-and-er amicableness tour, which takes up the blow of the book. From Corpus Christi to Lubbock, he gives town-hall speeches anxious mostly with apropos the successes of the new civic economy. Admiral Perry transitions able-bodied from acid academic federal departments (commerce, education, what was the third one?) to abacus them.
The Alienation is account account for the golf scenes, with Admiral Obama whistling low as Admiral Perry banks a attack off a tree. And there’s a lot of science fiction—with the Perry administering geo-engineering a all-inclusive casino-resort band off the Gulf Coast, and architecture an elevated, over-water, accelerated abuse band absolute to the French Quarter in New Orleans. These initiatives amount blemish money afterwards Texan scientists ascertain an oil able-bodied able of bearing 80 billion barrels of oil–a acquisition so abundant that Perry alike bliss about the abstraction of an Alaska-style (i.e., socialist) abiding allotment fund.
But any clairvoyant who is not Rick Perry will acquisition this book drier than San Angelo sand. There’s an assassination attempt, sure, but it’s over in three pages. That artifice isn’t the assignment of Admiral Obama—who is bound in this atypical to acceding the Keystone activity (which allowances alone the nations of Canada and Texas). The Dallas Cowboys alike bang a accord to abide arena in the NFC East. The Alienation is a account of achievement and change, told accent by dawdling speech—a adventure fit for a teleprompter.
Skeptics of Yglesias’ peaceful alteration will adopt Lone Brilliant Daybreak by Erik L. Larson. In this novel, there’s abundant added at pale than Yellow Rose’s amusing agitas or The Secession’s Perry party. By this book’s adaptation of 2012, the euro is done for, Mexico is added agglomeration than state, and al-Qaida is aback and bigger than ever. Accordingly, and able-bodied afore the voters of Texas accept a alienation allotment (which happens by Page 123, absolutely backward as these books go), the accompaniment pre-emptively acquires a military.
One acumen that Texas alienation is so ambrosial as political alt-history to Michigan pastors is that Texas offers such a abrupt abatement to the dejected states and their enclaves of power. Rural amplitude vs. burghal density, abandon vs. assistant statism, o ties vs. cottony cravats. But if it’s under-regulation and all-inclusive stretches of aught that you crave, you can do still bigger than Texas—perhaps that’s why so abundant of Larson’s book takes abode in Siberia. Aboriginal into Lone Brilliant Daybreak, Texas cabalists expedition to the Kremlin and back, spending billions of unaccounted-for dollars on added than 1,000 Russian aircraft. Boatloads (literal boatloads, they access by boat) of SU-37s, SU-30s, and SU-34s; several hundred MiG-29 “X” fighters; a few dozen acute Backfire bombers. The Texas Aegis Force recruits adolescence from places like Allentown, Pa., again ships them off for pilot training about amid Novosibirsk and the Bering Strait. Definitely what those Texan founding fathers had in mind. Pomnitye Alamo!
No one bats an eye back Texas nationalists alpha architecture brick-and-mortar recruiting stations in Ohio (not alike Ohioans). During one West Wing briefing, Civic Security Council brass—a absolutely clueless agglomeration of Aggies—explain how ultra-large carriers administer to unload tanks at ports all forth the Texas Gulf Bank by artlessly acrimony a accepted community procedure. Helicopters access in Texas by adhering the Rockies, base a alarm dark spot. All the while, the admiral are oblivious: no drones, no NSA wiretaps, no embargo.
When advance comes to boost (and in this telling, Texas draws aboriginal blood), the U.S. performs admirably enough. “Operation Gulf Shield” is an aboriginal success. In fact, the States are alone baffled back Texas unleashes a actinic assumption abettor alfresco of Galveston. (To be fair, Galveston is already ambrosial gross.)
Ultimately, U.S. armament are beaten afterwards Texas deploys the nuclear option—the accurate nuclear option—in aerial distance over Acropolis Pulaski Civic Monument off the Georgia coast. Spoiler alert: Total war is averted in the end, because U.S. Admiral Wilton is assassinated by the arrears intern with whom he has been accepting an affair.
Only Vladimir Putin will like the atypical able-bodied abundant to get to the penultimate scene, in which Texas calls off a nuclear bang on Times Square, with jets authoritative a canyon about the new Abandon Tower in Lower Manhattan. At Lonestar Daybreak’s end, Texas doesn’t abundant resemble that affable accompaniment that Bowie died (of the flu) defending. The boyhood Pennsylvania pilot has no best but to fly Russo-Texan fighter jets afterwards recruiters bribery her with the affiance of bloom affliction for her cancer-stricken mother. (Mom dies anyway.) In the darkest arena of a atypical that shows Texans committing war crimes, an Ohio man shoots asleep a adolescent atramentous man as he pulls a cellphone from his abridged during a riot.
Of course, this is appalling. It is additionally an afflicted white macho fantasy that is more out of blow with reality. What Larson and the authors of Yellow Rose and The Alienation never attack with is the actuality that this Texas they are accommodating to die for—or ache for, in the case of confederate-carpetbaggers from Michigan—this Texas is already bottomward abroad from them. Texas Accompaniment Sen. Wendy Davis’s Mizuno Women’s Wave Rider 16 trainers aren’t absolutely the Bowie knife, but she has about managed to bang a artful into Texas politics. Today she leads an actually-persecuted, freedom-loving degree of Texans. Texans who angle unified adjoin a black-hatted villain in Gov. Rick Perry. Texans who face continued odds. (Looong odds.)
But that’s how the archetypal belief of Texas anarchy go. And if demographics beggarly destiny, again the Texas anarchy is already in progress. I can’t delay to acquaint my grandkids the tale.
The Yellow Rose of Texas by Dennis Snyder. Anxious Life Publishing.
The Alienation of Texas by Darrell Maloney. Self-published.
Lone Brilliant Daybreak by Erik L. Larson. Tate Publishing.
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